The Life & Times of Tokyo Slim

The New Blog is Here

2006-03-12T14:31:00.000+09:00

Well, after a bit of procrastination, I have finally stood up the new blog. There may be a few minor adjustments here and there, but it's pretty much done.

Update your bookmarks, as I will only be posting at the new site. There will be a link back to here on the new site until I archive all 107 posts on the new site.

Enjoy

Excuses, excuses

2006-03-08T22:46:00.000+09:00

Ok, so after 7 GB of pictures and a bunch of music, I decided it was time to buy an external hard drive. 300 GB oughta do it. Then I decided to format my laptop, wipe 'er clean and re-install all my programs; keeps it running fast and efficient, just like the Hutterites! Also, every time I re-install my internet security software, I fool it into another year of free updates, yeah, I'm that cheap... And so tonight I did some more to smooth stuff out. Things are now running very well.

So maybe tomorrow night I can put some more work into getting the new blog up and running. I know I probably could have done a little work on it instead of putting up this post, but then where's the fun in that?

So, just thought I'd check in and post a pic I took of the Geese and one of the kids.

Duck duck goose

Photo By Tokyo Slim

Parole Violation

2006-03-06T10:28:00.000+09:00

After almost a month of not being at the Kunsan Correctional Facility, I have returned to finish out my sentence. Here's how the 25 hour trip back to Cell Block "K" went down:

0600 Saturday (Montana Time)- I slept the whole way from Great Falls to Salt Lake; no idea who I sat next to.

0800- From Salt Lake to LA, I sat next to some random dude, I didn't talk to him the entire flight.

1120 (LA time)- From LA to Inchon, Korea, I sat next to a guy who looked exactly like Dick Cheney (sans Shotgun). He tried to talk to me, but after he found out my family mysteriously turned up dead when they asked too many questions, he kinda got quiet. Some people!?!

12 hours and 30 minutes later I arrive at Inchon, South Korera- TW was working the GI bus desk at Inchon airport, so we shot the shit while I waited for the bus to Kunsan. Turns out he didn't have any dirt on what's been up since I left because he's been working up there the entire time. Good to see him, he'll be back working here again soon.

1930 Sunday night (Korea Time)- Took a melatonin and jumped on the bus to Kunsan. Watched half of Ocean's Eleven, slept the rest of the way to Kunsan.

2345 Sunday night (Korea Time)- I curled up with a bottle of Melatonin and went to sleep after I unpacked last night and woke up this morning at 0600. I cut my hair, took a shower and be-bopped over to the chow-hizzy.
Same shitty food. (If you are reading this and you work at the Chow-hall at Kunsan, stop fucking up breakfast, lunch, and dinner and I won't complain.) Thought you were gonna see an apology there for a second, didnchya?

Ok, time to check the mail box and hit the BX-ee (BX pronounced with Korean flair).

The new blog will be here soon.

Goodbye Don Knotts, Hello Price Gouging!

2006-03-02T12:36:00.000+09:00

Ok, so I know it's been a few days since his death, but it is only now that I can bring myself to speak of it. Mourning is a process, you know. I was thinking about how to write about Don Knotts, that beloved character, and I settled on talking about some of my favorite Don Knotts movies. I thought I'd better hit up the ole Google for a list of his movies to stir up memories.

I find an Amazon Listmania list called Must See Don Knotts Films; I'd be stupid not to check this out! Ah yes, the first two titles are the first two that I remembered. The Incredible Mr. Limpet was a funny movie, and wow The Ghost and Mr. Chicken is going for $49.96!!! You've got to be shittin' me, people, a man just died here! I scroll down a bit further to find The Shakiest Gun in the West is going for $46.

It's obvious what I need to do; bang out a few movies, fake my death, and get paid from Amazon as somebody new!

The Truth Be Told, The First to Ham???

2006-03-01T15:25:00.000+09:00

Ok, so I was not 100% honest in my last post when I said, "I'm still in the re-creation process and tweaking the look."
Actually, I was at a dead-stop, trying to figure out the CSS layout for the new look. I knew what I wanted it to look like, just not how to get it there; until today.
While waiting for the housing guy to deliver our new fridge(old one buckled over time) I finally figured out how to adjust the CSS code that came with a "Blogger Template" to make it slowly look like what I had in my head. Although I downloaded quite a few page builders to get what I had in my head down on screen, I did more today directly with CSS Code than with any page builder I could find.
So, Major Breakthrough, I salute you, pun intended. My new Blog will be here soon, and now I'm honestly "tweaking the look!"
Here's a small taste of the new Blog:

Photo By Tokyo Slim

Tokyo Slim Gets More Head!

2006-02-27T15:30:00.000+09:00

Let me be more specific. The Tokyo Slim Blog will be getting 2 new head shots thrown into the header or masthead(where my clocks are now), which is more than it had in the past; thus, more head. Really, you need to get your mind out of the gutter!

Head 1

Head 2

Photos By Tokyo Slim

To be even more specific, I'm in the process of changing a lot more about this Blog. Even the title of this place will be changed, most likely. I'm still in the re-creation process and tweaking the look.

Just wanted to let everyone who reads this tripe know.
Slim

The Pepperoncini Incident

2006-02-23T00:29:00.000+09:00

I don't know about the green machine, but I drew a winner with the Mesquite Chicken with Bacon sandwich from Quizno's!

Ahhh, so tasty! Matay, it wasn't the same without you! I regaled the wife with the story of the Pepperoncini Incident. That's her hand there. I had a lunch date with that hottie, thanks for the free day-care, Montana Public Schools!

Photos By Tokyo Slim

So what's the Pepperoncini Incident? I'm glad you asked. I remember it like it was yesterday... Matay and I went to Quizno's for lunch. We both got our sandwiches, grabbed some pickles and pepperoncinis and began to chow down. When at Quizno's, you absolutely must partake in the pickles/pepperoncinies bar, or they'll beat the ever-lovin'-crap out of you, so I've heard.

Any-ways, mid-meal, Matay reaches down and with both hands, raises a pepperoncini the size of a toilet seat; the violin section begins to play frantically. He takes a bite and a gush of vinegar brine lets loose! Immediately, I am drenched by a tsunami of sour saltiness! You could hear it hit the floor behind me! I was branded for the rest of the day, no way to remove the smell of pepperoncini juice except to burn my clothes. We laughed about it the rest of the day, mainly because I just wouldn't let it go.

In response to the pickled smattering, I yelled out "Goddamn!" just as a really, really big fat chick walked in. I felt bad then, thinking maybe she thought I was commenting on her size.

If you are reading this, really really big fat chick, I'm sorry. FYI, you can now get a salad instead of chips for your combo meal, just $1.79.

FINALLY, the Pusan Post

2006-02-18T13:42:00.000+09:00

Pronounced Pusan, spelled Busan. The same thing happens with the letters K and G. Anyway, this is the front of the Train Station in Busan.

Baxter loves the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation! I wonder who we'll see? Maybe George Bush, or Prime Minister Koizumi! Looks peaceful...

Look at the beautfiul display of flowers; the people of Busan sure love APEC 2005!

There's a nice, non-flaming bus. Busan is nice.
Photos By Tokyo Slim

So, on a lazy sunday afternoon, after a fun weekend of peaceful sight-seeing around south-eastern Korea, Baxter and I bid APEC 2005 a fond farewell, thanks for the memories. We casually boarded the KTX Bullet Train bound for "home."

The next day, while talking to our vice commander, I find out Pusan was off limits due to protests. Later that day, the public affairs office sends out a warning e-mail saying the exact same thing. I guess someone should have told us that earlier. I'm sure they're only being over-protective, certainly no violent, bad shit could go down. Not in sleepy ole Pusan.

Here's the e-mail:
Sent: Mon 11/14/2005 3:07 PM
Team Wolf Pack,
Due to protests regarding the upcoming Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) the Busan-Gyeongju area is off limits to all USFK personnel, expect those already living in the area, until 22:00 on 20 Nov 05. Kunsan personnel are not to travel to the Busan-Gyeongju area while it is off limits.

Then, on Tuesday evening, this Bus is on the news:

Here's the story, of course handled much better by the pro's.

So, we missed all the fun, but who knows; maybe I can catch APEC 2006 in Vietnam!

Hell Froze Over

2006-02-17T23:23:00.001+09:00

I always thought it was just a figure of speech, but apparently, Great Falls (aka Hell) has frozen over. Mark your calenders, folks!

You want that in Celsius?

What were those first few settlers thinking? I bet I know how it went down.

Lewis and Freakin' Clarke: Come on out to Montana, you Settlers! The winter is warm and mild. We got this thing called a Yogo Sapphire you'll just love!

Settlers: ok.

Lewis and Freakin' Clarke: Snicker, snicker...

As I've said before, when they finally invent the time machine, I'm headed back to kick some Lewis and Clarke ass. What the hell kind of name is Merriweather for a "Great Explorer" anyways?

Your Comments, please

2006-02-16T16:58:00.000+09:00

So I've got a new favorite website called The Sneeze. The owner, Steve, makes me laugh, and I highly recommend starting with Steve, Don't Eat It, but it's all pretty damn funny. The link to The Secret of Bananas brought me to You Tube where I opened an account and uploaded a video of our turtle, Cajun.

As a test of it all, here are two ways to view it. If you've got time, please tell me which method you prefer:

The Link to it: Cajun's Video

Or the embedded video like this

2006-02-12T18:42:00.000+09:00

Hello, old friend. How long's it been? Six months? I see your charcoal buddy next to you. He'll have his day. For now, prepare to get heated, you gassy son-of-a-gun.

2006-02-12T18:35:00.000+09:00

The tender-assed Rib Eye. The gentle, delicate flower of beef I call, simply, heaven. The juice and blood of a medium-rare rib eye steak, grilled to perfection, runs into your plain white rice, turning it into a brownish pink, salty staple of happiness.

Some of the kids that missed me

2006-02-12T18:01:00.000+09:00

I decided to post a pic of the guard dogs, rather than the Slim-lings for now. Ears down or ears up, they are always good for some laughs. I love my chihuahuas. Sorry Yogi.

Wireless in Seoul

2006-02-07T13:29:00.000+09:00

I'm at Incheon Airport talking with the wife on my webcam. My laptop battery is shot and won't hold a bit of juice, but I've got a plug here and a mediocre wireless connection. Life is good.

I stayed up until my bus left at 3:30AM this morning and got a couple of hours of sleep. It was snowing like crazy when we left. It snowed all the way up here, but its stopped now. Glad to be the hell out of Kunsan!

I got a confirmation E-mail from the company I ordered my new laptop battery from. Should be delivered to the house on the 13th. If it's a good battery, I might consider getting a 2nd one. The price was low.

Well, I'm gonna grab some food before we board.

Bye Bye Korea!

Intro to pics and then a note for the Kids

2006-02-04T22:46:00.000+09:00

Ok, so I finally got off my ass and posted some pictures from the last great adventure of Tokyo Slim, scroll down and check the pics. We went all over and had a blast.

I will be leaving on my mid-tour in a few short days, I can't wait to get home. For the last six months I have tried to get away from this base when I am not working; to get out and see the wonderful things that Korea has to offer. I have seen monkeys, sharks, crocodiles, mountains, waterfalls, fall leaves, oceans, islands, casinos, gigantic ginseng, and my horrible golf scores. I've had good times with Matay, and good times with friends I have made here in Korea.

Despite all the cool tings I have seen here, I have seen something that makes me smile and then makes me sad everytime, and that's watching other fathers enjoy a day off with their kids. Well Kid #1 and Kid #2, daddy will be home in just a few days, prepare to get sick of me!!!

One last thing; a huge thank you to M.N. and your wife for a great time tonight and a tasty dinner. The Sashimi was a welcome change from the crap I eat on a regular basis at the chowhall!!! It was great to meet your friends and I hope we have some good times when I get back in March.

2006-02-04T22:43:00.000+09:00

Okusan, Akemashite Omedetougozaimasu!

2006-02-04T22:41:00.000+09:00

Hopefully a great new year.

2006-02-04T22:38:00.000+09:00

Supposed to be the year of the dog, it looks like year of the cell phone camera here

2006-02-04T22:27:00.000+09:00

From the Eastern-most land of the South Korean Peninsula, The VERY 1st look at the Sun for 2006! Gyongpo Beach in Gangeung, I was the first American G.I. on the Korean Peninsula to see the sunrise in 2006. Baxter was sleeping back at the Hotel, the lazy bum!

2006-02-04T22:15:00.000+09:00

Will the sun ever rise?

2006-02-04T22:11:00.000+09:00

Kids with Sparklers on New Years morning

2006-02-04T22:10:00.000+09:00

Baxter gets a stow-away

2006-02-04T22:08:00.000+09:00

Gyongpo Beach on New Years Eve. A very chilly evening.

2006-02-04T22:05:00.000+09:00

High up on a mountain road without a clue as to what the signs are saying, we ask directions from the 1st people we see.

2006-02-04T21:58:00.000+09:00

We commit to a plan for New Years

2006-02-04T21:57:00.000+09:00

For the knuckleheads in A-Town.

2006-02-04T21:55:00.000+09:00

Whose hospital?

2006-02-04T21:52:00.000+09:00

So after fun at the Aquarium, it was lunchtime. Oddly enough, after seeing all those fish, I was craving something other than a hamburger...

2006-02-04T21:25:00.001+09:00

Pusan at Night

Part of the New Years Trip

2006-02-04T17:58:00.000+09:00

Baxter's Sushi in Daejon

My Tonkatsu. I loves me some deepfried pork!

Izakaya-Style restaurant in Pusan

Breakfast in Pusan

At the Pusan Aquarium

At the Pusan Aquarium

At the Pusan Aquarium

At the Pusan Aquarium

Is this Dairy Robbins or Baskin Queen? What the hell is a copyright? This is Korea, son, this is how we roll!
Photo By Tokyo Slim

We be winners, Yo!

2005-12-29T01:24:00.000+09:00

So we found a travel guide that had an ad for the Paradise Casino. We decided to at least go check it out. It was a nice place with Roulette, Black Jack, Baccarat, and Carribean Stud Poker. Between the two of us, we came out on top over $200, Baxter winning the majority. I could tell people hated on us as we cashed out, cause they dropped hundreds! Damn rookies. Yeah, $200 isn't a huge win as far as some "Casino Winnings Stories" go, but it paid for our 1st class bullet train tickets here, a bottle of Cognac, 6 Russian Hookers, 2 midgets, a squirrel, three Mexican Burros, and a 38,000 Won platter of salami and cheese at Murphy's Pub and Piano bar at the Busan Marriot.

All in all, it's been a good trip. The squirrel was rambunctious.

A Post from the Road- Busan, Yo

2005-12-28T15:48:00.000+09:00

After a night in Daejeon, with the standard issue Spicy Chicken place and a visit to Magic 24 (our favorite Sauna and public bath) we are now in Busan again. This time APEC is not here, the city is not on fire with protesters. Our plan is to hit a big Aquarium place here and then we'll head north to Gyong-ju to a temple. And then...

If anybody needs to get a hold of me, hit me up on my Yahoo E-mail.

Baxter says hi to his "Prize Supplier"
P.S. He says he needs another prize.

Tokyo Slim

The snow has ended, for now...

2005-12-27T00:30:00.000+09:00

We got a crap load of snow, the most Korea has seen in many years. Buildings have been collapsing around the country. Ice has taken over every walking path on this place, but luckily I haven't slipped and busted my ass yet. Below are some pics.

Investments for Dummies, or "The Contest"

2005-12-16T21:27:00.000+09:00

So me and some of the guys from work have started a contest on
StocksQuest to see who can earn the most fake money in real stock trading by 31 January, 2006. Anybody wanting in on our contest, email me and I'll send you the password to join.

And as for you Seinfeld fans who thought it was a different kind of "contest", shame on you!

The Loss of a Legend

2005-12-11T21:11:00.000+09:00

So long, Richard Pryor 1940-2005.

You are one of my heroes. My inspiration for clean and filthy comedy!

You will be sorely missed.

Byeonsan Peninsula (Puan)

2005-11-29T23:01:00.000+09:00

So one of my favorite places in Korea is Puan. I was told the Jikso Waterfalls were a cool place to go by our DMZ tourguide, and she was right. After a bus ride down the coast, and then a city bus across town, I made it to the entrance to Naesosa Temple and Jikso Waterfalls. There seems to be several ways to spell words here, so if you see slightly different names in the pictures, that's why.

Anyways, I couldn't find anyone willing to go on this excursion with me, so I decided to brave it alone. All I had to do was make it back through the gate by 2100 hours, or I'd be busted by the night time "buddy" policy, daytime it's only encouraged to have one.
I get to the Byeonsan Peninsula National Park and decide to hike up the mountain to see Jikso Falls first, and then swing on by Naesosa Temple after.

What a hike; I had no idea it would be so long and mountainy! I had no water and I was wearing jeans and crappy sneakers that had no traction on 'em. I was sliding all over that mountain!

So here's some pics:

The ocean, to the south of "Mount Kill-Me"

This trip was on 2 October, and these were the very first Autumn leaves I had seen.

Good place for a rest

After scaling and descending two freakin' mountains, I found Jikso Waterfalls:

I couldn't decide between the two photos, so here's another shot.

Some people "on top of 'ole Jikso, all covered in cheese"

So I came back down those mountains and hit Naesosa Temple, built in 633. This main hall was built in 1633, during the reign of King Injo of the Joseon Dynasty (1392-1910). They fitted together meticulously-cut pieces of wood, without using a single metal nail. I'd have sprung for the nails, but that's just how I roll!

I thought this water lily was kinda cool.

And here's another cool building with a mountain behind it.

Next Post: Monkey School!!

Again, Still Alive

2005-11-28T23:01:00.000+09:00

OK, so I have not been keeping up with my Blog related duties, and I apologize. I have been getting out on the weekends and taking pictures, but I've been quite busy with college classes after work and can't seem to devote time to this blog on a regular basis. I haven't forgotten about it, though, so here's a quick taste of what's been happening, where to expect some pictures from:

Puan (Buan) : Hiking in Mountains of the Puan Peninsula, Waterfalls, Monkey School, (Yes, Monkey School)

Pusan (Busan) : Crashing APEC 2005

Mok Po: Mountain Climbing

Daejon: Robot Museum, Science Museum, Hot Air Balloon Festival

That and more, but for now, it's 11:32 PM.

Yellow Sea Cruise

2005-10-09T11:00:00.000+09:00

Ok, the day after the Geumsan Trip, I went on a boat trip. Yes, this was a “canned tour” (which I hate) but I let this one slide because the price was right. Out on the Yellow Sea, here’s the pics from the trip:

The Vessel

The Destination: Sunyudo Island

Leaving the port

Saggy looking rocks

The "Dragon Hole" I'm told

A big Mermaid Lighthouse

Fog and Misty Horizon

At Sunyudo Island I found a Nude Beach! I'm told the Korean writing actually says "Chicken" and "Beer" instead of "Nude Beach". I don't know when the last time this was open, but I thought it was hilarious!

My feet in the Yellow Sea

Leaving the island, one last look.

Tokyo Slim sails again

Some Fishing Boats

Monkey School, Puan S. Korea

2005-10-08T18:44:00.000+09:00

This post was originally aired on Sunday, December 4th, 2005. The pictures were taken on October 8th, 2005. Yes, I sure was lazy. But now I'm leaping back, setting right things which once went wrong, just like on Quantum Leap! On with the Post:

The three of us who went on this excursion decided to use aliases, so with me are Matt McCall and Baxter Tanenbaum. Mine was Art Van de Lay. Yeah, I didn't try too hard on that one. Baxter is the guy with the flaming pink shirt.

So this was my 2nd trip into Puan, but I didn't know how to get to the Monkey School. We didn't know anything about it, just that we had to see some monkeys!

We found the place finally, and got there in between shows. Plenty to see before the show. There was a geological museum and dinosaur eggs, fossils, and skeletons. There was a crocodile area, where we walked on a glass bridge about 2 feet over the crocs. There were monkeys in cages and a big plant and bug section. Then it was time for the show.

We laughed our asses off. It was probably the funniest stuff I have seen in years. The pictures didn't come out all that great in there I'm sorry to say.

Me and Baxter at a Totem Pole.

A big-ass Geode, or Amethyst thingy.

It's an angel! No wait it's Matt in front of a giant oyster.

Here's the giant oyster, sans Matt.

Baxter didn't stand a chance.

Some crocs, or alligators, I'm not sure. There wasn't a little sign.

Here's another Crocigator now!

Oh my god, That Crocigator's doing god's dirty work for Matt's Blasphemy. Or however you spell it.

The not so golden Golden Ticket to the Monkey School show!

Ever see a calm monkey turn into a blind-rage filled minion of evil and carnage, trying to chew through a plastic coated chain link fence to rip your face off and play in your disembowled carcass when you came around the corner? This guy was disturbing.

Even closer to the madness.

And then, the money shot! So darn cute, I could just puke.

Bald-ass monkey with a pink shirt. Who dresses these guys?

The show

After the show

Kim Jong Il's proposed new flag of a Unified Korea. I can't read Korean, but I bet it says :

On the left in white: The new Unified Korea will be open from 10:00 am until 10:00 pm. 120 days of the year.

On the right in red : It'll cost you 2,500Won ($2.50) to buy the new flag and 4,000Won ($4.00) per wave of it. Democracy ain't cheap, sports fans!

Photos By Tokyo Slim

Geumsan Ginseng Festival

2005-10-06T23:52:00.000+09:00

Here’s a trip I created because "canned" tours suck. Doing your own thing is a lot more fun and finding your way is better than following someone. I follow orders all week at work; I make my own God-damned rules when I'm off!

In a town called Geumsan, they grow a lot of Ginseng. As a matter of fact, they call themselves the Ginseng Capital of the World. Who am I to argue, really? There’s just no way I could possibly dispute it, so I don’t. But, what I can do is go check out their town, because every year, I heard they have a huge festival, celebrating ginseng and ginseng related accessories. How did I get there? Mr. N (Kool Korean Kat from the plant) hooked me up with some bus schedule info for traveling to and from Geumsan. How'd I find my way around Geumsan? Read on...

I found an easy way to get around Korea if you are a lazy American that hasn’t learned to speak Korean: Korean school kids learn English in school, and sometimes jump at the chance to practice with lazy Americans like me. I noticed the kids get real “Balls-ey” when they travel in packs. They will shout out “hi, hello, how are you,” and then you are in there. One kid might not speak enough to communicate with you, but if they’re in a group of 5 or 6, your chances just shot up that you’ll get the directions you need! I figure, the way my mind drifts in and out at school, so do theirs, but all at different moments! What one kid missed in Tuesday’s class, the next kid didn’t, and so on, until 5 or 6 kids talking at once equals 1 solid wealth of language skills, and a shit-load of fun!

So Geumsan goes on my list as a really nice town to visit. The kids were really cool to me, and they pointed me in the right direction of where to track down the ginseng festivities from the bus station. Here’s some pics:

Some of the cool kids I mentioned

One tired ass little dog

ginseng in water or soju, not sure which

Closer Look

The soup from my lunch, under a yellow tent

Bi Bim Bap lunch, maybe the best bowl yet!

While I ate, a parade starts up

Little guy

A spry old man

Some shave ice with red beans, fruit and jello. Delicious!

Miss Cleo Ain't Got Nothin'

2005-10-03T23:11:00.000+09:00

I was gonna post the pictures of the last two adventures I went on, but somethimg came up. If you read this Blog, you know we have a dog named Yogi here. She was recently diagnosed as pregnant, by all of us. We took bets; first it was how many live puppies in the litter. Then we decided to bet on what day she would have them. Then I realized we had multiple bets on the same number of puppies, so I introduced the boy to girl ratio as a tie-breaker...

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, kids of all ages:
At 0930 hours on Monday, the 3rd of October, Yogi gave birth to 3 puppies, and then a fourth close to 1000 hours, with zero complications. Mother and children are all doing well.

Winning the bet of Birth Date is: Tokyo Slim, Monday, 3 October, 2005.
Winning the bet of Number of Pups: Tokyo Slim, Four Pups.
Winning the bet of Boy to Girl Ratio: Tokyo Slim, 3 Girls, 1 Boy.
To all those that doubt Tokyo Slim, Get Bent!

Enough about my winnings, here's Yogi's Babies:
Shy Yogi covers her nose

Tiny Pink Nose, Tiny Pink Mouth

The Group Responsible for the Valentine's Day Massacre, Sans Guns

I'm Still Alive, and Dry...

2005-09-28T22:41:00.000+09:00

I know it's been awhile, but I've been really busy with work which results in me being too tired to mess with this Blog after work. I have two excursions to get on this blog, upon which I took over 400 pictures, but I've been too lazy to get 'em on here. I'll get to it, but not tonight. Maybe tomorrow, or maybe the next day, or maybe I'll teach my butt-hole to chew bubblegum. Maybe is a loser word, so how about I just say I'll get to it when I get to it. Thanks to those who have checked back here for some updates, and my apologies for none being here for such a long time.

By the way, here's a shout out to all the idiots who tried to "ride out" Katrina. You rock, thanks for tying up CNN, you jerks. I have no idea what else is going on in the world because "This just in... the shit's still underwater" dominated the news. Here in Korea, you couldn't walk 10 feet without hearing "there's a huge hurricane coming towards New Orleans!" If I got the word to evacuate, the people of New Orleans got the word to evacuate. If people didn't leave, they got what they deserved.

That should generate some comments...

Wrapping Up the DMZ Tour

2005-09-06T22:22:00.000+09:00

Ok, so I got my sleep. Here’s the rest of the tour. After lunch, we high-tailed it to Panmunjom. In Panmunjom is the Joint Security Area (JSA) which straddles the Military Demarcation Line (MDL). The MDL passes through the center of the negotiating table in T2, the Military Armistice Commission Building.

Here’s the table:

The three microphones split the table in half. I took this uneven picture from North Korea.

Here's a ROK soldier.

Here's another one. This guy was so tensed up he farted. Just kidding, it was me.

Here's my feet, standing in North Korea. Yes, I did iron my pants. Thanks for noticing.

And here's me with my back to Lil' Kim's. (Technically, it's accurate, Kim Jong Il is only 5'2" or 157 cm tall.)

In this next picture, on the steps of the big building, you can barely see a North Korean Soldier. I gave him the bird, but my hand was in my pocket when I did it. I'm not a total idiot... No, the South Korean soldier is not in a time out, they stand guard like that to minimize their exposure to the North. They get all up on the wall like that and stand guard.

On to how Camp Bonifas got its name. A tree was blocking the South Korean side view of the checkpoint at the Bridge of No Return, so a work party went out to trim back the branches. Here's the monument that was put up after the attack by the North Koreans on the work party:

Here's what the monument says:

“On this spot was located the Yellow Poplar tree which was the focal point of the Ax Murders of two United Nations Command Officers, Captain Arthur Bonifas and 1st Lieutenant Mark Barrett, who were attacked and killed by North Korean Guards, while supervising a work party trimming the tree on 18 August, 1976.”

And finally, here's the "Bridge of No Return." It's the spot where all Prisoners of War were repatriated after the end of the Korean War. This bridge is the only ground link between Seoul and Pyongyang.

Slim's Theory on Kim Jong Il's Bad Hair

2005-09-05T23:14:00.000+09:00

So I've figured out why this chick magnet:

Has really crappy hair. It's North Korea. Being in North Korea turns your hair to crap. “Prove it” you say? Ok, here's a picture of me on the North Korean half of T2; the building where the armistice to end the Korean War was signed:

Voila, crappy hair. I rest my case.

Well, I had a really good weekend, despite leaving my return bus ticket in my room at Kunsan. As stated in the brochure, my two night stay at Club Matay was very comfortable. We left early Saturday morning for Osan, grabbed a quick bite and jumped on the Bus headed for Tunnel 3.

Tunnel 3 was the third North Korean tunnel discovered beneath the DMZ since November 1974. It runs through bedrock at a depth of 73 meters. The 1.6 kilometer-long tunnel is 1.95 meters tall and 2.1 meters wide, penetrates 435 meters south of the Military Demarcation Line, capable of moving a full division per hour plus their weapons. It’s one hell of a hike down and back! The jerks won’t let you take pictures down there, but here are some pics from topside.

As a result of the division of the two Koreas, families were also divided, and the world they had known. The two Koreas working together to bring their world together again.

Below are some South Korean soldiers. Two of them are ordered to remain completely motionless, can you guess which ones they are?

A glimpse of North Korea, across the DMZ.

Then we moved on to Dorasan Station. It’s the Northernmost Train Station in South Korea. Ironically, it doesn’t go north. They say it will one day connect North and South Korea, after the Unification. I think they smoke huge amounts of crack. Big Kim’s got the North so locked down, he’ll never let the Unification happen; Just my opinion.

All aboard for Pyeongyang, the capital of North Korea. Buy your ticket and have a seat; the train will be along in 50 years.

Dorasan Station is also the northern-most place to buy popcorn, as demonstrated by my man Matay, snacking his way north to Communism:

Break for lunch, a bowl of Bi Bim Bap:

Some pictures after lunch:

I'm not sure what this says, but I thought it was cool.

The rest of the DMZ is coming tomorrow, gotta get some sleep.

As North as You Can Get in the South

2005-09-01T23:34:00.000+09:00

So, after work on Friday, I'm headed North. Matay secured me another room, and then we're off to the DMZ on Saturday. I'm looking forward to it. It'll be good to get out of the "Kun" for a couple of days again; this week has been another ball-buster. I've been working a lot of overtime the last few nights. I'm slowly getting caught up on stuff, maybe all the way by next August. It's all about motivation.

So, expect a crap load of pictures in a couple of days, until then, enjoy Labor Day Weekend.

Mireuksa Temple; Exploring Iksan

2005-08-27T23:04:00.000+09:00

So I'm not much of a tour-taker. I'd much rather just go out and experience stuff on my own. The whole agenda is within my control. I can see what I want to see, spend as much time as I want , and you don't have to worry about people in your tour group being idiots.

I chose the city of Iksan for this weekends' trip. I took 103 pictures, here's some of them.

As promised, here's some food: Chicken Bulgogi, start and finish with some sides.

I went to The Mireuksa Temple. Check the link above (Click this Post's Title) to learn about this amazing piece of Korean Buddhist History. Here's how the Temple was laid out in the 600's AD.

This building was constructed around the remains of the temple to protect it while it is being restored.

And here's the restoration job inside.

The West Pagoda

Here's a close up of the bronze wind chimes, I wish there was enough breeze to hear them ring, but there wasn't.

I stopped here to eat and kill time waiting for the bus to come:

The menu was written in Korean on the wall. No pictures, no English. I pointed to "noodles" in my dictionary and got a cold noodle soup. It looked very nice, but I forgot to take a picture before I tore into it, but here it is after I remembered:

And my sides:

Here's three boys catching fish with a net in a river.

If you come to Korea in the summer, you will see red peppers drying in the streets everywhere you go, I mean everywhere!

And here's huge bags of them in a market:

That's all for now.

Holy Crap; Finally!!!

2005-08-25T21:18:00.000+09:00

Hooray!!! I’ve finally got internet access in my room. I am actually sitting here, typing away and I’m not worried about losing my connection; life is grand. It’s been three weeks today that I’ve been here at Kunsan and it really sucked without the internet. I didn’t realize how much I relied on it, I guess. One big thing was not being able to log on here and check for comments or post new drivel. I’ve also been waiting to talk to my wife and kids on the ‘ole webcam, which we could do now, if it weren’t 4:30 in the morning in MT.

More great news: My stuff comes tomorrow afternoon!!! Three weeks and one day, not too bad of a wait I guess. My coffee mug and Thermos! My bicycle, no more walking! My TV and PS2! A second pair of boots! Unfortunately, we drained and washed out the Pre-Sedimentary tanks at the Water Plant today, so I get wet boots tomorrow morning. I missed my chest waders by one day; that sucks.
Here’s the hustle and bustle of the big city outside Kunsan AB. This was taken from our pump station out on the reservoir; smack dab in the middle of a rice field. It makes my Agent Orange kick in.

Here’s another picture of Yogi. Sometimes I call her Yogi Bulgogi; it makes me laugh but the Koreans don’t. They've either heard it a million times or they prefer chicken. I talk to her a lot during the day. She's the first dog I've known that recognizes the word "reservoir." She likes to ride there in the truck I guess, but I haven't taken her there myself. You're gonna get sick of my Yogi pictures, most likely.

Here's the tank we drained today, before we drained it:

Here's what it looks like drained. At the reservoir, we add charcoal to the water to absorb odor and taste. When it comes to the Water Plant, the charcoal settles in this tank before it moves on to the clarifiers. The black sludge you see is that charcoal. It's so much fun to clean:

Here comes the water from the reservoir to fill it back up. Yes, its a thrill-a-minute at the Water Plant. By the way, it may look disgusting in these pictures, but this is only step 2 in the entire treatment process. It ends up clean, clear and safe. I drink that water all day!

Wow, it's past my bed time! This is the first time I've been up past 8:15pm this week! Sleep's a great way to kill time when you have no TV.

Bye for now.

Meeting Matay

2005-08-22T16:54:00.000+09:00

Another damn email post. I've been here over two weeks, and my stuff still
hasn't gotten here. The transition between me and the last guy went quite
poorly. I was getting a little stressed out last week and was about ready to
snap by the time Friday was over. I grabbed a ticket to Osan and left on the
0730 bus on Saturday morning. Just what I needed.

My buddy Matay met me at Osan's BX, and we cruised over to the golf course
for a couple hot stone-bowls of Bi Bim Bap and sides of Kimchi! Fantastic.

Then we Bee-bopped and skatted over to Suwon and I tossed my gear into the
room Matay snagged for me; what a host!

We took the train over to Suwon City and walked around town. There must been
50 BBQ joints (with the grill in the table so you cook yer own food right
there) in that city, and we only walked a few blocks around the train
station. My ass is definitely going back there!

We ended up eating at a restaurant on the fifth floor over the station. We
ordered Beef Bulgogi for two and cooked it up there at the table. There were
these long skinny green peppers that you dip in the miso-pepper paste that
kicked butt. As we ate, the plate of Romaine Lettuce (for wrapping) was
dwindling down. We were gonna ask for more, and then I decided to wait until
the plate was completely empty. As I grabbed the last piece of lettuce, a
waitress came swooping in out of no-where! She had a fresh plate of lettuce
down in the blink of an eye!

Matay got stuffed and stopped, and I dug deep to finish the plate off. Very
tasty food, great service, good price. My dumb ass forgot my camera back at
the room at Suwon, but I promise to take some food pictures this weekend and
get 'em on the blog. I should get internet access at Chez Slim on Thursday
or Friday.

So, my thanks go out to my buddy Matay for a great weekend. He upgraded my
spot on his couch to a whole damn room to myself, and he showed me around
his towns and got me re-acquainted with the train systems.

Mahalo, Matay!

Wireless Internet!!!

2005-08-15T21:10:00.000+09:00

There's someone broadcasting wireless internet here in the dorm. I don't know who the patron saint could be, but hot damn, I'm connected. So I'll get what I can on here, and hopefully I don't lose my signal. The clown post will have to wait a few minutes.

Here's that picture from the plane to Helena, MT: That was next to my window.

Here's my first meal in Korea, sorry to my wife, I know she likes Popeye's Chicken.

Here's the first bag of Kimchi I bought: It made my milk smell like Kimchi, and now my cereal tastes crappy.

Here's a picture of Yogi, the water plant dog: I buy her friendship with extra food from the chowhall.

Starting To Catch Up

2005-08-15T05:10:00.000+09:00

As much as I hate Alaska and everyone from Alaska with their stupid "Back in

Alaska" stories, of course TMO books me on Alaskan Air to leave MT. So
because I hear Alaska is the greatest freakin' place on the planet, this
flight should have, no doubt, been a comfortable-ass transport full of foot
rubs, free bowls of chili, and midget wrestling (or whatever constitutes a
great time in your book.) Not so, my friends, not so.
If Alaska was a pack of bacon, and Alaska Air was the "representative slice"

you lift the back flap to see, I'd throw that pack of bacon on the ground
and stomp the crap out of it. Then I'd burn the supermarket down. Thank god
Alaska's not a pack of bacon.

Here's how this trip went down:

I walk up to the window at the airport and only see a little prop-driven
jalopy at the gate. Hmm, guess the plane's a little late getting here.
"We'll now begin boarding flight so and so to Helena and Seattle." Oh no
they didn't! Not only a prop-job all the way to Seattle, but we gotta drag
the trip out by going to Helena first? TMO you bastards!

I've got a couple of pictures of the propeller outside my window, but my
lack of internet access prohibits me from sharing right now. I'll post 'em
later.

So how could Alaska-Freakin'-Airlines screw me a little harder? (short of
crashing that is)

Stewardess: Attention all passengers continuing on to Seattle; as we start
boarding here in Helena, if someone comes up to you and says you are in the
wrong seat, please tell them we double booked most of this flight and to
find another seat. We are sorry, but this flight will be full today.

She wasn't kidding.

Next post: Circus Clowns Abandon Car for Seattle USO

A Post by E-mail

2005-08-12T18:25:00.000+09:00

So I'm here in Korea, and I won't have internet access in my room until the
25th of August. Public computers for Blogging in my opinion suck. So, for
now, I will type a post on my laptop, save to my flash drive, bring it to
work and email the post to blogger. That's my plan. This is a test post by
email to see if it works. Kind of a boring post, but there's more to come
soon, I promise.

Tokyo Slim

Goin Down the Road Feelin Bad

2005-08-03T04:48:00.000+09:00

Well, despite having known when I was leaving for so long, the good-byes with my family came very sudden. Diamond Cab wouldn't give me a straight answer on when they could pick me up or get me to the airport, so I phoned a friend. My thanks goes out to my homey Schinbone(r) for the ride. If anyone's got leftover minutes on your phone, give Diamond Cab a call at (406) 453-3241 and tell them they suck. So Schinbone(r) was already in his car and minutes away when he said he could give me a ride. Kid #1 asked, when are you leaving, Daddy? My answer was right now. I'm sorry guys. I was hoping for a better quality ending, but maybe quick was best for everybody. Wife and Kids 1 and 2, you know I love you all so much, please take good care of the dogs, and don't forget to feed Cajun. I will call you later from Seattle.

Love you,
Daddy

The Drug Post

2005-08-01T15:40:00.000+09:00

So I found out where to score some cheap smack in Great Falls, Montana; at Smith's over by Pier 1 Imports, but more on that later.

About a week ago, we went to Barnes and Noble over by Pier 1 and Smith's, and I was feeling all rich and wasteful so I bought me and the wife a couple of Mocha Frappuccino's at the Starbucks in there. These things are liquid crack! They are so delicious that you can’t stop sipping on them, but they have ice in them, so you get the whole brain freeze, ice cream-head-ache thing going on. You have to stop and let your blood raise your cranial temperature back to normal so you can function, and then you take another couple of hits on the straw and start the process over again. Yup, Liquid crack.

Today, we decided to grab a couple more cups of the liquid crack; hurts so good. Anyway, we were on that side of town so we decided to pop into Smith’s to look for red pickled ginger, and that’s when we found cheap smack. Here’s a pic of our stash:

12 for a dollar; now that's cheap smack!

Here's a close up of one bag,

Montana State Fair

2005-07-31T17:41:00.000+09:00

Well, Friday, we took the kids to the State Fair. They had a blast. They had fun on the rides, ate corndogs and cotton candy, and we all got caricatures done. So, my cheap-ass decided to try to scan the drawings. The problem was, they were bigger than the scanner, so I split them into 2 scans, and then used Photoshop with the latest CS version to merge the two scans. It was so easy, I just highlighted the two scans in browser mode and clicked photomerge, sat back and let the magic happen.
Here’s me and the wife, our new wedding picture! You'd never know these pictures were made from two seperate images. Photoshop rocks.

Here's the kids, again, two scans merged into one, seamless:

Slim's Hate for Fat Carts, or, How to Trace American History through Television

2005-07-27T03:01:00.000+09:00

As promised in the July 21st post, here’s my hate for fat carts. The service one is still in the works.

The Fat Cart:
I hate the fact that fat people use a device I’m sure was meant for the old and the honestly handicapped. Here’s where I lose some fans;
I have no sympathy for fat people because they are all lazy. There, I said it. If you are fat and don’t want to be fat, lose the weight. Change your lifestyle. With the right kind of motivation, you change; with laziness, no change. If I can quit smoking, people can lose weight. If you don’t try, don’t bitch about paying for two tickets on an airplane. If you do try, but nothing changes, try harder. No sympathy.

History note:
So I left America in the summer of 1993, off to start my career and earn my name in Japan. It was a simpler time, ’93; Starbucks hadn’t polluted every street corner, Seinfeld was just getting started, we’d seen the last of Wayne’s World, and if you were fat, you had to walk like other people.

I passed through America twice in ’96, but never left the airport; the only carts I saw had chauffeurs and, oddly enough, carried the old and handicapped.

I came back to America for a month-long fire school, circa ’98. I didn’t see any fat carts then either, but my shopping adventures pretty much took place in pool halls and happy-hours, so that's understandable. Fast Forward to summer 2001.

USA: Welcome back to America, Tokyo Slim!

Me: I like what you’ve done with the place! Holy crap, when I left, you had only served 60 billion on the McDonald’s sign!

USA: Yes, we’re glad you noticed. We stopped counting and now it’s just “Billions” served. America’s been busy getting fat since you left.

Me: I see that. Oh, wow, there’s a little electric scooter for the old and handicapped at the stores! Well isn’t that considerate! I remember that episode of Seinfeld when George was faking he was handicapped to get a job, and they gave him a scooter to ride. That was so funny, because he was using it and wasn’t handicapped, just lazy!

USA: Um… yes, that… was funny… anyway, welcome back.

So how does a long lost American track down the moment when fat people took over the scooter in America? Television, my friend, and here’s how:

With the help of the internet, I can track certain episodes of “The Simpsons” and "Seinfeld" which took notice of certain changes in society and made fun of them. Apply a formula and done.

The Simpsons, Episode 3F05, King Size Homer, aired 5 November, 1995. A strong desire to work at home prompts Homer to gain a lot of weight so he can claim work disability. See, this is when Americans started to use excuses to be fat, rather than actually work at losing the weight.

Seinfeld, “The Butter Shave” Episode no. 157
Season 9, episode 1, broadcast 25 September, 1997. George gets the scooter. This is where the non-handicapped people started going after the perks of the handicapped, but without the pain, loss of mobility, and general shittiness of being handicapped. Seinfeld sees this in society, and boom, you got your show. A moment captured in time.
(http://www.stanthecaddy.com/the-butter-shave-script.html )

I split the difference between the air dates of the Simpsons and Seinfeld, then compared it to the difference between the air date of Seinfeld and date I returned to Fat Land, multiplied by the constant, FL, (fatty laziness), and I get December 1999.
Here’s my formula:

Were you in America in December of 1999? Is this when it started going down?
I need some comments here people. Must we watch TV to find out if history repeats itself?

Old Pics Found

2005-07-24T16:45:00.000+09:00

I was looking through an old backup CD, and I found a few pictures from the Desert with the Horse. As BW said about the terrain there, "Greetings from Mars."

This picture was taken when we ran out of steel. We put up 1 and a half UBM's and the steel we ordered was held up in port and customs and stuff. They started to create work for us. "Someone" made this sign and we decided to take a pose. The rest of the crew was back in the tent city building a double-decker porch on our morale tent. The sign mysteriously disappeared later that day, no doubt taken down by the higher-ups; fun while it lasted. The head is missing from a guy I hate. I don't want him in my pictures, he's a piece of crap. The sign says, "Unemployed, will work for steel." In the background, the forms to place the concrete footers are ready, we just need steel to put the building there.

Here's a picture of our Milk Truck. You would not believe the high demand for milk on a jobsite in the desert. Once again, dumbshit's head is removed.

Here's another one. Me and JS hard at work. This was on the last building we put up, probably a couple of weeks before he broke his arm. He came over the other day to BS before I leave.

And finally, here's yours truly taking a break in a wheel barrow, waiting for the next cement truck to come. You take your breaks when you can get them. It was actually very comfortable.

Old friends

2005-07-23T00:50:00.000+09:00

Guess who's back in town? It's my old friend, searing neck pain! My god, ol' buddy, how long's it been? 3 months? Why, I haven't seen you since that day in traction?

I'll give it until Monday, then I'm gonna go to Physical Therapy; get on the old traction contraption. Hopefully they can squeeze me in, get it? Sorry, I'm medicated.

So, my going away lunch is today at Legends, where I'll maybe get roasted a bit, then I'll have to say something. MK, if you read the Royal Order of the Horse, I'll puke right on you!

The going away lunch is your last chance to address your co-workers, burn some bridges and a last ditch effort to get your orders red-lined. Through these crappy 4 years, I've pictured what I would say, and how much trash I would talk. Now I'm actually at that point and there's nothing in the world that could make me say anything to jeopardize me leaving. "It's been wonderful, I love you all," turn, walk away holding back puke, failing, failing... "Clean up at table 6". Don't get me wrong, I've met a lot of nice people here, but the assignment just wasn't as good as it could have been, and you 've got to be polite in these situations. It's surreal to witness the exact moment when you know you've been beaten into submission.

What is it about our society that makes it so wrong to say exactly what's on your mind? You can do it sometimes, with a low limit, but only to some people. That's why characters like Cosmo Kramer have such an appeal. He says exactly what he thinks, and winds up with an Oscar and Miss Rhode Island. George Costanza, on the other hand, is just like the rest of us, but worse.

Aggravation Compensation

2005-07-22T09:59:00.000+09:00

Ok, so if you know Tokyo Slim, you know I can get really aggravated, really quick, over really trivial stuff, then hold a grudge for a really long time (so far, that appears to be "till death"). Well, today I got aggravated and, minutes later, dropped a grudge for the first time ever. That's right; I know if MK is reading this, he probably just crapped himself. Here's how it went down:

I'm at the Walmart; I hate the Walmart, but I go there anyway because, as you may have read before, I'm a bargain shopper (I'm a cheap bastard). I get aggravated just about every single time I go to Walmart, and this time was no different. We bought 4 big 18 gallon plastic containers with lids to throw crap in, 1 small container to lightly set crap in, and then a few other crappy items.

We start the antagonizing death march down the row of checkout counters. God Help Me, I hate Walmart. Lane closed, Full cart, 2 Full Carts, Full Cart, Half-Full Cart, Lane Closed, Lane Closed, Full Cart... Eureka! 15 items or less lane, there's a Fat Guy in a red shirt, he's got 2 small items on the counter, that's it! He's just standing there, it must be all on the counter! Watch it lady, you don't want none of this.
Yeah, score.

Now normally I'd wonder why a guy this fat didn't get on the lazy, fat people's cart*(see footnote 1) as nature intended him to, but I set aside my inquisitive ways and relished the sweet score on a "low lane."
I'm looking around, people are giving me the "good score on the low lane" nod, and I’m nodding back. The security guys in the back of the store are no doubt going over the replay tapes, already calling the Chunky Soup commercial guy with "the voice" to do the archive commentary for "Great Moments in Shopping History, Part IV."
Ok, don't get a big head there, Bucko, eyes front, let’s get some of your small crap on the counter.

What the??? There's another item in the fat guy in a red shirt's pile!? He must've overlooked it, maybe lost it in the belly shade or something. No problem, still plenty of room for my stuff. Turn, reach into my cart, grab some small crap, turn... Ok, where's the hidden camera? More stuff in his pile? This ain't possible. Where's this stuff coming from? This guy was so fat, you couldn't see his cart in front of him. None of it. I'm not joking.

Like a pair of pocket Aces before the flop, the fat guy in the red shirt was slow playing his cart items, hiding his cart with the big red tent he called a shirt, trying to sucker me in; and I bit. One after another, he fired out bets, and I stayed there in line, pot committed now that people blocked me in.

Oh, I was agg-rah-vated. The nerve of this guy, to sit there and keep pulling items out from his cart like he was one of those clowns with the never-ending-chain of hankies! And the fat cashier, she's just lettin' it go down! That's not right. Maybe I missed the secret fat people society's jowl-shake or something. He finally stopped, on my count of 23 items and I began ORM, weighing my options, calculating pot odds. I could poke him in his back fat and let him know he broke the rules; he was over 15 items. He could ignore me, or belly bump me into sporting goods. I could say, "my, what a big red shirt that is" and he could say, "the better to wipe my mouth with after I eat you."

As I went over scenarios in my head, my concentration was broken by the talk of numbers and defensiveness. Shut it Slim, you're in the presence of incompetence ** (see footnote 2).
Listen in:

Fat Guy in a Red Shirt: That wasn't right.

Fat Cashier: huh?

FGIARS: I gave you the 40 cents also

FC: Oh, yeah, sorry, I'll give you the 75 cents with your change.

FGIARS: Yeah! That's better!

Me: Ok, you both are boobs. You gave her odd-ball change on a bill that came to a different odd-ball amount, to get more pocket change back. And you know how much he gave you but rang it in different? You dumb, fat bastards don't deserve to touch money!

Ok, I didn't really say anything, but I was thinking some stuff along those lines. I knew I was gonna have to watch Fat Cashier really close. Fat Guy in a Red Shirt gets his bucket of change and waddles on out.

While the Math-Olympics were going on, I was feverishly getting my few crappy items up on the counter and had my plastic tubs poised A) to show they were empty, B) to let tubby scan the UPC and hit 4.

So she starts to ring up my stuff. She does the small crappy stuff, and, in true cashier form, throws it into the center of the cart so she can put the huge stuff on top of it; Sheer Genius. She scans my 1 small container, bags it, then looks at the 4 big containers and:

FC: Oh, you didn’t have to put those up on the counter; they’re too big to go over the scanner here.

Me: I know how big they are; you gotta check and see that I’m not smuggling stuff out.

FC: (ignores what I just said) No, I got this smaller scanner; I can just walk around and get it.
Me: Just stay back there, it’s already on the counter, lady.

FC: Aren’t you sweet? (She moves in for the scan.)

Me: You bet I am, BEEP!

No, I didn’t say beep, the register behind me beeped, just as she went to scan my tubs. She thought she got it. She slowly lifts a finger, points at the top tub, then counts her way down the stack like a drunk who can’t focus for long and sounds like she just ate garlic and wants to share it with you.She almost sounded like the Russian chick from the Bullwinkle cartoons, but whispering. Somehow, she managed to count all four. She hit something and the 4 to signify there were 4 of what she scanned and totaled it up. Looks a little low…

Walking out, I check the receipt; just as I suspected. She scanned the small container but missed scanning the big ones, charging me for 4 smalls, no larges, instead of 1 small and 4 large. A savings of over 5 bucks.

Now normally, I’d never forget Fat Guy in a red shirt. I’d see him again (this is Great Falls) and I’d remember him, and I’d avoid him, because he’s a conniving, 10-sandwhich-eating, entire-cart-hiding, no-math-skill-having piece of crap, and he suckered me into a lane that wasn’t designed to be that slow. And that’s a grudge I could easily hold forever, but, this time was different.

This time, I saved money because fat cashier was an idiot, I got a good laugh at the two of them in math class, and I don’t know when I’ll ever see someone who can actually hide an entire shopping cart with their body again!

* footnote 1: Stay tuned for the feature spotlight "Slim's Hate for Fat Carts"
**footnote 2: Stay tuned for an upcoming entry on "Slim's Theory on Cashiers and Food Service Jobs"

Tale of the Tape

2005-07-22T00:14:00.000+09:00

My tape-measure got packed and shipped with my pro-gear. This sucks. I have to get both of my kids height for their "No-Fee" passports that they need to go back to Japan. They have their own, personal ones that they've used to go back to Japan for a vacation, but I guess the AF just wants to make sure they are who I say they are. Kinda like the Lady from the old Hanes Underwear Commercial.

LadyftoHUC: It don't say Hanes, till I say it says Hanes!

That's enough reminiscing, back to my problem. So I need their height in inches, but all I have is a metric tape-measure, and I really hate doing conversion math on leave. Any kind of math, really. Also, I need to get new filters for the furnace, but I don't know what size. The lasts ones I got were too small, and I used 'em anyway because I was too lazy to take 'em back. Don't roll your eyes like that; they're gettin' the job done!

Oh! Kid #2 just waltzed outta bed, hang on... 104 cm for kid #2.

104 cm

x .39

40.6 inches

That wasn't so bad, now if lazy Kid #1 would shake a leg I can move on to the filters.

Oh crap, I have a briefing on Terrorists to be vigilant against during my upcoming travels (the AF worries and loves us so much) in a few minutes, the tape must wait. Bye.

hisashiburi, BC

2005-07-19T17:12:00.000+09:00

I just got done talking to a gaijin (not Japanese) friend from Tokyo area. It's been a couple of years since we talked. It was so nice to hear from him again. Both of our lives have changed so much, and both for the better, which is great. I gave him the URL for this Blog, hopefully BC leaves a comment and signs my guestbook. I'm currently at 481 hits to my Blog, but only 5 people signed my shit. What's with the rest of you!!!?

Making More Work

2005-07-19T13:54:00.000+09:00

Ok, as I said in my last post, I put an entry on my Japanese Blog and now I realize how much studying I need to do to keep up that other Blog. Well, I've managed to add some pressure now.

I've been watching 2 other Japanese Blogs, and, like an idiot, I just had to put a comment on both of them. I never expected strangers to be so nice! On one Blog, the guy responded positively to say I could put a link to him here at Slim's. On the other Blog, I've gotten individual heartfelt responses from each member of his family! The father, the mother, the daughter; they've all been very nice, and they use the simple hiragana symbols that I and other illiterate foreigners need. So now I want to talk more with them, but I really need to study more. Right now it takes a very long time to whip up a message because I need :

Then, my wife checks it, cuts out most of what my feeble mind has piled together and I hit the books again. I don't know what I'm gonna do in Korea when she's not there to help me. I feel like such a fraud!

It's like the saying goes: It's better to keep your mouth closed and be thought of as an idiot, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Here's some pictures I took today, without my dream camera. I adjusted the flash, exposure compensation and white balance a little. I really want a better camera. Anyway, here they are:

Drinking

2005-07-19T00:22:00.000+09:00

So I'm getting my coffee in this morning, thought I'd post something while I drank. I'm off to do some out-processing this morning. The part that sucks about that is you've got to do alot of it in uniform. So I put on the ole rags and let me tell you, I forgot how much I hate socks. For the last couple of weeks, its been shorts and sandles. Not a sock in sight. They're so restricting. And then you got the whole boot thing on top of the sock. I'm not even gonna get started on those things.

I finally got around to posting on my Japanese Blog last night. After speaking my kid-like uneducated version of Japanese lo these many years, I realize I'm really quite illiterate and I've got a lot to learn. I can speak some and understand quite a bit, but writing it is a whole new ball game. I've been relying on charades and stick figure drawings to get my point across for too long. It's time to study grammar and sentence structure, not too mention how to actually read! If you have Japanese language support on your browser, like Internet Explorer, go up to and click the view menu, and scroll down to encoding. Then pop over to, if its there, Japanese (Auto Select) or maybe Unicode (UTF-8) and let the page automatically reload to read this: ばか。That's about all I'm good for this morning.
またね！

The Skinny on The Scam

2005-07-18T08:40:00.000+09:00

Ok, so I got hosed. It only cost me something to look forward to. I've ordered things through Amazon's marketplace before and had no problems, so why not take advantage of a sweet price. I knew, being backed by Amazon's policies, I wouldn't get stiffed. So here's how it happened:

I found the low price, checked the review for that seller, and everything looked good. They had quite a few 5 outta 5 star reviews and a couple of 4 out of 5's. I placed my order and waited. Got the confirmation e-mail from Amazon.

Me: Cool, it must be set in stone now! Go tell everyone what a great deal you got!

Me: OK, yeah, I am pretty psyched!

So I post on here the deal and throw in some pics all while day-dreaming of the awesome stuff I'm gonna do. After downloading manuals from Canon to get a jump on the controls and switches and setup stuff, the idiot goes to bed. Visions of sugar plums and crap, drool on my pillow, muttering stuff in my sleep, wife thinks I'm cheating on her with a girl nick-named "shutter speed".

I wake up this morning, throw on a pot of coffee and straighten up the living room from all the camera buying and boasting the night before. Beep, the coffee's done brewing (yeah, it really does beep when it's done; I don't skimp on my coffee makers, homey) and sit down with a fresh cup to check the e-mail. I got one from Amazon saying they charged my credit card for the camera. Awesome. Awhile later I get another email that looks very Amazony.

The seller requests to be paid via Western Union Wire Transfer.
Thank you for the understanding.
Click here to locate the agents in your area :
http://www.westernunion.com/info/agentInquiryIntl.asp

Once the payment was sent, provide the seller with the following information:
1) MTCN (Western Union Money Transfer Control Number):
2) Sender name :
3) Sender address :
4) City where you sent the money from:
5) Amount sent:
Then wait for the confirmation that the payment was received. Within 2 business days,
you will receive the tracking number for your product.

Shipping from Address and Payment Information:
E-mail Address: ceimaisus@aol.com

Ship from Address:
Samaon Ovidiu Ioan
Calea Dragasani
Pitesti, AG 0300
Romania
Payment Address:
Samaon Ovidiu Ioan
Calea Dragasani
Pitesti, AG 0300
Romania

Note: Due to this terms the shipping will be supported by the seller.

Purchase Protection and Refund Information:
Currently, this seller has $ 4,000.00 deposit in an Amazon.com managed purchase protection account. Transactions with this amazon seller are covered 90% in case of fraud and description errors.
You have 14 days after you receive the product to request a refund.
Refund requests are processed within 3 days.
For your safety, this account was blocked today, for 14 time. The seller is unable to withdraw the money within this period.
The seller was informed about this transaction being started and is awaiting for your payment.

Uh-oh, here comes another email. I wonder who it could be from?

Date: Sun, 17 Jul 2005 12:13:06 -0400
From: ceimaisus@aol.com
Subject: Re: Sold -- ship now! Canon Digital Rebel XT 8MP Digital SLR Camera with EF-S 18-55mm f3.5-5.6 Lens...
To: Tokyo Slim

Hello!

All is done .

Now i will wait your reply with the details of the transfer from Western Union

My details :

First name : Samaon
Last name : Ovidiu Ioan
Street : Calea Dragasani
Zip code: 0300
City: Pitesti
Country: Romania

Ok, time to call Amazon. I reported it, my credit card was reimbursed, and now I have to find another camera. I don't think I'll use Amazon's Marketplace again. The sellers' reviews must be bogus and I got lucky the few times I ordered through them.

Well, I'm about blogged out for today.

Returning Sprinklers

2005-07-17T15:44:00.000+09:00

Ok, so I hate returning stuff. I absolutely hate it. I get all paranoid and I always feel like they think I'm trying to rip them off. My voice gets shaky and it usually goes down something like this:

Me: Yeah, I'd like to return this?

Clerk: Okay, let me see your receipt.

Me: Right here, in triplicate.

Clerk: Just the original is fine, sir.

Me: Ok, yeah, so... Yeah.

Clerk: So it fell apart?

Me: Yeah, the piece of junk. In the dishwasher. It doesn't say "dishwasher safe" but it doesn't say "dishwasher unsafe" so I thought it'd be okay. Here's the package.

Clerk: Here's your money and then just sign here.

Me: I swear, I opened the dishwasher and it wa... ok. Thank you.

So, I expected to have another rough one with the sprinkler at Home Depot. Maybe they would think I broke it somehow, or I used it wrong and that's why it didn't work, or they would send me home to try it again and "just think about what I'd done."

So here's how it went down:

Clerk: (in the middle of conversation with other employee, grabs the sprinkler in package with receipt stapled to it, starts punching numbers.)

Me: (silent)

Clerk: Do you have a penny?

Me: no, sorry, I...

Clerk: here's your money and just sign here.

Me: thankyou.

Best return ever.

A New Camera on the Way

2005-07-17T11:54:00.000+09:00

So, I've been wanting a new Digital Camera for a long time. The one I have works ok as a simple point and shoot, but I've been wanting to do more. The technology has come such a long way since my first digi-cam, and the prices have really come down.

So I decided to do some research on different digital SLR cameras, and found one that has some really great features, but easy to run for a "beginner" SLR camera. You can study too at Steve's Digicams. After I picked the camera best for me, I started shopping and here's the prices I found:

8.0-megapixel Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT SLR with
EF-S 18-55mm f3.5-f5.6 zoom lens
List Price: $1,499.99
My Price: $400
Saved $1100 (73%)

SanDisk SDCFH-1024-901 1 GB Ultra II CompactFlash Card
List Price: $349.99
My Price: $89.99
saved $260 (74%)

I can't wait to take some shots and post them here, but until it comes in, check this blog that's got pictures from the area we'll be headed to next year. This guy has some really fantastic photos, he is also working far away from his family, as I will be soon. http://1207aoimori.blog7.fc2.com/ and here's some shots of my new cam:

The Battles of Summer

2005-07-16T11:22:00.000+09:00

So I was about to post something about why I haven't posted in a day or so, but then I saw that it was 5:22pm. We can only water the grass between 5 and 10, AM and PM. So I set down the ole laptop to "quickly set up the sprinklers" while I mulled over what to Blog about.

#1. I bought a new sprinkler today at Home Depot. The stupid thing wouldn't change directions where it was supposed to, I got water all over our windows trying to get it set. Eventually, I determined it was a piece of crap, so I burned up another 10 minutes looking for the receipt to return it tommorrow.

#2. Set the old sprinkler up in its place, trying to not get water near our basement windows and on the neighbor's truck. The basement will flood and the water is so hard here it leaves ungodly water spots on cars. It took awhile, hitting dry/dead spots, avoiding windows/cars.

#3. Set another sprinkler on the other side of the driveway. This one's yer standard, back and forth rainbow shaped jobby. "old faithful." Got it setup, but oh crap, the wind changed direction, gotta reposition "old sprinkler" before I flood my basement!

#4. Got "old sprinkler" repositioned, but now "old faithful" is hitting my car! Unhook old faithful, use the hose to squirt down any dust on the car so I can chamois off the water without scratches. Car's dry, move it out of the driveway next to the other neighbor's boat that never moves. Now you gotta hook up "old faithful" again, hero.

So, after all this screwing around out there, I can finally sit down at 6:45 pm and start typing about... aw crap, I forgot now.

Well, I made kabobs yesterday, how's that for a topic? I bought 2 ribeyes, a pack o' shrooms, a big red onion and then threw caution to the wind and financed one red and one green bell pepper. How come bell peppers are So Freakin' Expensive? It's stupid. Oh well, they were delicious.

Here's some pics of the Kabobs on the grill. That's all for now, I gotta go over the loan paperwork on those peppers.

My wife, kids, and co-workers think it's odd to take pictures of my food, but when I see these pictures, I remember how good it was. Mmmm, Kabobs....

Big-Ass Table

2005-07-14T00:46:00.000+09:00

First off, let me say thanks to F.M.. Dude, that thing was a monster!

Ok, I bought a new counter-top height dining table, and six chairs. This bad boy is huge. What makes me a little mad is you go and spend over $800 and they don't even keep the stuff in stock. They told us 2-6 weeks for it to come in, and then they want to charge you extra to deliver it to your house.

So, my bro F.M. came to the rescue with his truck. I met him at the shop and we drove over. At least the store people (newly created race of humans) loaded it onto the truck for no extra charge.

We came back to the house and unloaded the chairs; this isn't so bad... Okay, now to unwedge this box from between the wheel wells of the truck bed. Dude, I think I tore my sac!

Once out of the truck, we decided to take the thing out of the box right there in the driveway. We could maybe lessen the spinal damage by separating the legs from the top. Good idea, each leg tipped the scales at a good 15 pounds a piece, saving us 60 pounds.

After we got it into the house, F.M. was going to leave and then he asked if I wanted to get my car or not. Oh, the vacation your mind can take when you're on leave!

Here's a few pics with 4 of the 6 chairs. I threw the broom in to see the scale of this thing. The other two chairs are put away for now, until we get some friends!

Here it is closed, with our broom.

Here it is full open, with the broom on top.

Sorry if I sound all braggy, but we've never had nice stuff, so I'm kind of proud.

My Life, All Boxed Up

2005-07-14T00:13:00.000+09:00

So the mover came and left yesterday. Yeah, they sent me 1 guy to pack up my stuff. One guy to put a year's worth of "life" on a truck. I was thinking "I'm glad they sent my 1 mover so early in the morning, because he's gonna need all freakin' day."

He was done by noon. It seems my "life" fits in four boxes.

Here he is wrapping up mah TV. See that box in back with the roll of tape on it? Yeah, that's got a mountain bike, a set of golf clubs, a Nike Golf Bag, the pull cart for the clubs and two back packs. The Colombians could use a guy like this to streamline their "Muling Ops."

The fact that almost all my essentials fit into these four boxes has shed new light on my basement cleaning.

So here's my stuff...

and the truck it rode out on!

So Long, Matay

2005-07-12T15:05:00.000+09:00

Well, me boy Matay is off to Korea. He came over this morning to drop off my Dremel Kit. I totally forgot he had it, so that was a nice surprise. I plan to cut my toast with it for breakfast tomorrow, if I could only find my safety glasses...

I should catch an email from him in a few days. I'll be leaving in another 21 days, to a place a couple hours south of him. We plan to do some golfing together, and eat crap-loads of Kimchi!

So, Matay, have a safe trip, and I'll see you in a month!

A Post with a Purpose

2005-07-11T23:54:00.000+09:00

There's nothing interesting in this post. I'm only throwing some keywords into this to see what pops up on my Google Ads thingy at the bottom. Anyway, here goes a string of words to try to influence my adds. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...

Wizard of Oz, vacation, airfare, hotels, web hosting, juggling, Mormons, Society for Pro-Acrylic Knitters, Left Handed Dentists without Tonsils, Swiss Cheese, Spanky, Maui, New Jersey, JJ's been shot, I shot J.R., Tang, Liquid Smoke, Tom Collin's Mix, butter, cloves, Beavers and Ducks!

Advertise that, Google!

Packin' it up

2005-07-11T02:25:00.000+09:00

Two more days till the movers come. I've got my Pro-Gear set aside in my tidy, organized garage. I boxed up my PS2 and the cheap-o home theater system that was set up down in My Lair (aka the basement that no one likes to hang out in cuz its all cold and spidery). I bought it on the Barksdale Project, it's cheap, light and sounds pretty good for the price. Yuck, my dog Kona just threw up. Uggh. Now she's working up another pile. Man that's nasty. Ok, back to my drivel. I wrapped all the wires and twist-tied them like new. Everything's back in the original styrofoam and box, ready to be taken by the movers.

I'm starting to get my stuff into little caches around the house. My Pro-Gear, bicycle and golf clubs are out in the garage. My computer stuff, audio/video, cordless phone, dustbuster, linen, cooking stuff, pool cues, and poker chips are in the Lair. This should be a smooth move.

Meanwhile, the kids room has been staying clean. I had them out in the driveway washing their storage tower the other day. I'm two sewing machines away from getting that sweatshop I've always wanted. Muuaaaahaaahaaaa.

That's probably all you can handle for now. It's a lot of crap to sit through. I leave you with a picture of me and Kona (aka pukey) in her Albanian Refugee get-up.

The Ragin' Cajun

2005-07-08T04:41:00.000+09:00

After an uploading battle with this site I'm finally posting some pics of Cajun, the Red Ear Slider. Here he is, and the box I built the other day. He's almost 2 years old.

NATHAN’S FAMOUS

2005-07-05T15:27:00.000+09:00

Well, another July 4th has come and gone. The highlights? Takeru Kobayashi of Japan wins for the 5th year in a row at Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog-Eating Contest.

"Competitive Eating" as a sport is surreal. ESPN covering it live? Equally surreal.
Kobayashi won last year with 53 hot dogs in 12 minutes. This year, he's down to 49. So sad to see the World's Great Champs on the downhill slide.

As George Jones sang, Who's Gonna Fill Their Shoes?

Where's Slim's Blood?

2005-07-04T16:49:00.000+09:00

A new Low is reached. If my "Life and Times" weren't boring enough, you can now check back for the on-going progression of blood under my thumb-nail.

Just near 1 month ago, we had our FTX (Field Training Exercise) and I smashed my left thumb setting up a cot. It hurt, so freakin' bad, but despite my being alone, I didn't cry. But it was close. 8 June, everyone was at evening chow on the 1st day. I stayed behind to monitor ops on the shower shave, waiting to get relieved. I decided to set up cots to sit on , as it was our staging area,and I pinched my thumb just below the nail. The base of my nail turned blue.

M.K. said I'd lose the nail, he was wrong. Take that M.K.!

So now the blood pocket has traveled half-way up my nail. It is definitely half-way. This picture is on 4 July. Keep coming back to watch my blood rise! If the pictures no good, tough. The flash is a bitch to control. Try to photo yer own nail!

Celebrating Independence My Way

2005-07-04T14:59:00.000+09:00

My hat's off to Matay for his Projects

This is the lamest July 4th Weekend ever. I used to party and stuff.
Yesterday, between the kids and I, we filled 3 trash-bags of clothes for the Salvation Army and then I put a huge dent in the ole basement project. Rock on.

Today started out slow and developed into productive.
First, The Wife suggested we put Cajun out in the sunshine, it’s good for his shell and skin. Cajun's the turtle I accidently dug up at Barksdale AFB during a water main project. (When red earred slider turtles are still in the egg in the fall, they stay in the egg, hibernate, then hatch and dig their way out in the spring. We accidently dug his ass up in late November, so I kept him and brought him to Montana to live with us.)

I had some scrap plywood in the garage, so I built a little box to stop Cajun from venturing too far. By the time I had it done, there was a good amount of my tools in the backyard, so I decided to bring all my tools from the basement and garage to one area to consolidate, streamline, and organize. This required cleaning off the garage work bench...

While separating tools from non-tools, I got a couple of garbage bags going. Wow, some bare workbench. Sweet. Why stop here...

All my tools were in one place for the first time since we moved here. Embarrassing. Anyway, with this almost clean work bench, I figured, why not clear this whole work bench and tear this mother down? The work bench needed to come out when we moved on my mid-tour and I had to store the pedal boat in the garage for the winter, so take it out now...

After building the Small Wall of China for Cajun, tearing down two 4’ x 4’ peg-boards and getting my huge L-Shaped workbench 99% disassembled the battery in my Hilti Drill finally died. It wasn’t fully charged at the start. In to the charger, I planned on where the pedal boat would go, and then where the peg boards would go back up.

With the battery charged up, I took the last few screws out to complete the workbench removal, stowed the plywood and 2x4 sections neatly, and re-hung the peg boards. It’s funny that by removing a workbench I can gain extra space for pedal boat storage. This bench was huge. Bad part of a huge workbench is the ability to accumulate crap on it. A lesson learned, a productive day.

So I am celebrating my Independence from "Clutter."
Tomorrow is started by 2 or 3 trips to the dumpster. I’ll snap a few photos of my work and sneak them inside this post, so check back if you have nothing better to do.

What's Been Happenin'

2005-07-02T15:36:00.000+09:00

Did some shopping the other day. Bought a new computer for the wife; the one she's been using is slow and old. I built it from scratch back in Alaska (Japan) around 5 years ago. Here's a picture of the prototype:

Back then, if you had a copy of Windows to re-use, it was cheaper to build a super fast, top of the line one from scratch, but they have now gotten cheaper to buy off the shelf.

I also grabbed a new set of bed sheets. I know, I know, "who brought the cool kid?" but I'm not using "Dorm sheets" in Korea, and the only Twin size sheets at Chez Slim have the Power Puff girls and Blue's Clues on 'em. I got Superman.

Anyway, I also bought a couple of Web Cams to use for communications between here and the Korea. Got 'em set up on Mom's new PC and Dad's laptop. The kids had a blast on the test run.

Today we drove to Helena to do some shopping. We left Great Falls and the car was spotless. We got to Helena and I decided to fill the tank just to wash the bugs off the windshield. Checked out some luggage at Macy's. You know you're a cheap bastard when 65% off still ain't enough. Then we went to the Veteran Haters (Target) where I made some dude root around in "the back" for the owner's manuals of two Samsung Mini DV cameras I knew I wouldn't buy.
"Ok, well now I see the difference between these two models and their features. Thanks for tracking these manuals down. Let me go talk it over with my wife." Turn, walk five feet, holding back laughter... failing... failing... Buuwahaahaa!!!!

On to Ross Dress-for-less for some cheap-ass shirts. I bought two for $3.49 each and one for $5.99. Marked down from $24 each and $38. I'm a bargain shopper (Cheap Bastard).

A quick stop at the Carousel again:

Then it was back home. I stopped at the gas station on base, knowing it was closed. I used their windshield washer scrubber to get these bugs off without buying any gas:

Tasty, yeah?

Took these two pics about 10 miles outside of Great Falls. The bugs are really bad at dusk.

That's about all that's been happenin'.

Cheap Bastard, Out!

The Results

2005-06-29T12:47:00.000+09:00

Well, I missed it again, for the 12th year. I shot a 41, and needed a 43 to qualify for expert; so damn close. This year we had to shoot an additional 10 rounds of ammo while wearing the gas mask. If you've ever worn the MCU-2 gas mask, you know how difficult it can be to perform certain tasks, and it seems that shooting would be another difficult task. But actually, I shot just as well if not better wearing the mask. Your breathing is slowed down which steadies you. On top of that, you have to pull your weapon up so hard to your masked head just to look down the sites that everything gets sturdy; the gun goes on a slight canter, but once you can see down the sites, your head doesn't move without the weapon going with it. Solid.
So we needed to hit 35 targets with 40 rounds last year, and 43 out of 50 this year with the mask, glove inserts and gloves. The targets are the size of a person ranging from 50 to 300 meters away.
This was my last chance to "shoot expert", in my opinion. I've given up. I'm way past my prime and on the down hill slide; if I didn't get it by now, it ain't gonna happen. So I save money by not updating my ribbon rack. My predictions were wrong. I'm still on leave, so I've got that going for me!

Handling my Gun

2005-06-28T21:45:00.000+09:00

Shooting M-16 today. Could there be a Marksman ribbon in my future? Every year the answer's no. What's different this year? nothing.

This cracks me up

2005-06-26T13:36:00.000+09:00

What can you say?

I mean, really, what can you say?

MIT Weblog Survey

2005-06-26T04:39:00.000+09:00

Quick and easy survey to study Blogger-type-beings

Upload Pictures Directly?

2005-06-26T02:59:00.000+09:00

Well, after searching high and low for a free image hosting website that didn't suck, blogger.com finally got off their asses and lets us upload pictures directly. It's about time. Here's the news:

We've just launched Blogger Images. So now you can include photos and images in your posts. Just click the new picture icon and you can upload an image from your computer or from the web. Try it out!
– Biz [6/24/2005 12:07:00 PM]

So I'm gonna try out this new capability with...

A Demotivator of course.

It's definitely less of a pain in the butt to get a picture on here. Time to redo all my pictures and test the limits of capacity.

about Slim's Family

2005-06-25T12:39:00.000+09:00

I thought I'd make a post about some of my American family. I updated my profile and threw a line in about my Uncle Herbie. It got me thinking about him and some others of my family. Plus, with the new Herbie movie coming out, maybe Google will find my blog? Uncle Herbie couldn't drink milk and eat hot dogs, it made his eyes swell. Herbie was Peepahs brother-in-law. Who's Peepah? Read on, McDuff.

The crappy thing about my American family is the fact that my cousins were all older than me, by alot! My family was all so old!! Three of my cousins, Chick, Tony and Mike Venerra were the sons of my Uncle Prospero Venerra, my Peepah. Peepah was a tennis coach for years; he used to call me his little Pasta Fazul.

Chick became an actor and played the lead character, Joe Mondragon, in "The Milagro Beanfield War", directed by Robert Redford, did a spot on Different Strokes and a bunch of other shit.

Tony became a painter, not of houses, but of pictures. My friend’s dad, Jake, has a couple of his pieces I guess. I googled him, but I guess he only got those two paintings out to Jake and quit.

Mike had Polio; he limped and had a sweet ass car. His son liked to be called Moe instead of Mike Jr. He acted like a spoiled bitch, that kid.

Aren't you glad you bothered to read today?

Getting Ready

2005-06-24T09:50:00.000+09:00

I've got 18 days before the movers come for my stuff. I made a practice list of what I'm going to have shipped, what I will carry in my luggage, and what I will mail to Korea. What a nerd.
I'm going to be on leave from 27 June till 22 July. It's gonna be sweet. That'll give me time to finish the basement fiasco and hang out with the fam. I have some out-proccessing appointments during my leave, but I've got 17.5 days use or lose leave, so I'm using it. The paperwork to take 18 days around appointments is a pain in the ass.
I shoot M-16 on Tuesday next week. I've changed my ribbon rack 3 times in the last year, so my prediction is I shoot expert this year. That way I can change my ribbon rack again before I get the two new ribbons from the short tour in Korea. Changing ribbon racks is fun, and a cool way to waste money. I'll post my scores after.

Our Hutterites

2005-06-23T14:06:00.000+09:00

Ok, if you know anything about Tokyo Slim, you know my admiration for the Hutterites. In a word: Efficient. When I was a kid in New York, we had the Amish around. Nice people, but they wasted so much time without electricity and gas-powered engines. It drove me nuts to think about it.
Then you got your Hutterites. They got the gas powered engines, the electricity. “They play the guitars on the MTV.” Okay, not really, but compared to the Amish, they rock! They appeared to be the high-tech, blasphemous Amish.
The bad Amish got kicked outta New York, so they ran West to Ohio. The bad ones there got kicked out again and ran to Montana and changed their name to the Hutterites. That was my 3 minute theory.
Then I began to study them… When they go to Walmart, it's all "in, grab it, pay for it, out." I was impressed. And I told people," Those Hutterites are efficient, man."
Then I had the chance to check out the digs at the Hutterite Colony near Ulm, Montana. I saw the organization of their place; nice. They had housing areas set up better than a military base, all lined up, symmetrical and organized. Neat, tidy, not flashy, efficient.
Wow, they have uniforms, barracks-type family unit housing, non-whimsical/non-meandering shopping methods, organized work-place and family-unit housing area, well structured schooling, a daily schedule you could set the atomic clock to… These Sons-of-Guns are Efficient!

Here's a picture of some Hutterite Boys in front of the housing.

Here's a picture of a row of housing. It's all the same, so tell the Johnson's to kiss yer ass, the competition's over.

Then I saw this picture, what the hell?:

The Alcohol, the DVD's for those boring stake-outs, The CIA Operative in the background reporting back to Big-Brother. You know that metallic tubing on the right is tied to Roswell!
I'm starting to think we've all been duped. Was it all just a hoax? Were all the Hutterites just a front for a bigger Operation? Were the Hutterites monitoring us at Walmart? Seeing what we buy, what we waste our time on? Did they see me at the Five-Dollar-DVD-Bin for more than a minute? Were there cameras hidden in the beards and bonnets of our silent societal co-habitants?
My suspicion is raised, as well as my guard.

Ahoy, mateys!

2005-06-20T23:23:00.000+09:00

Well, I'm a boat owner, and she's a fine vessel! I called probably 30 different places in Helena; boat shops, fishing shops, outdoor sporting goods, regular sporting goods, department stores. Nobody had pedal boats or knew where to buy one.

So we drove to Holter Lake to rent a boat or canoe, just to whet our appetite. The only thing we could find to rent was a party barge. We decided to drive the rest of the way to Helena. We took the kids to the Carousel and stopped in a few stores, then came home, boat-less. We decided to go with the one at Big Bear.

We bought it Sunday and took it to Broadwater Bay. It was a little tough to fight the current, but we kept it close to shore and chugged up-stream quite a ways. Then, we jettisoned over to a pile of rocks on the shore, grabbed one and tied to our rope and made a half-assed anchor. It didn’t hold us completely, but it slowed us down a lot, as we gently made our way back to the dock.

Ah yes, her maiden voyage went well. We were gonna christen it with a half empty bottle of Iced Tea, but people don’t like broken glass by the boat launch. Wussies.

Gotta head to work, more later.

Lewis and Clarke Read This Blog

2005-06-19T13:56:00.000+09:00

Lewis and Clarke. Clarke and Lewis. Whoopdie-Freakin-Dooo. Two guys went left for awhile. If yer not from here, be thankful you don't get Lewis and Freakin' Clarke crammed down yer throat. I am so sick of them. I've had to listen to Lewis and Clarke get posthumously sucked off since the day I got here. Now's the big Bi-centennial.
Here's an idiot who covers this breaking news just in time to ease the poor Lewis Family's suffering:
Was Lewis murdered? Forensics professor presents findings:
By KIM SKORNOGOSKI
From what I understand, John Walsh is enticed... Stay tuned to AMW.

Pretty Bad Pedal Boat Predicament

2005-06-18T14:46:00.000+09:00

So, the plan was to hit Sam's Club today with Matay to pick up the pedal boat. I decided to call and make sure they still had one in stock. They said they were sold out and were no longer going to carry it. They even sold the display. There's 4 left at Big Bear Sports, but they don't have the canopy and seat cushions, which I think we can live without.

So, that does it for Great Falls, we're headed to Helena tomorrow in search of another pedal boat. Hopefully, we either find something better, or Big Bear doesn't sell out before we get back.

No whammies, no whammies, no whammies

After the Hotwash; In light of my failure...

2005-06-17T14:31:00.000+09:00

Upon further investigation, I have determined Slim's Basement Project to be a total failure. In order to defend myself in regards to effort, I leave you with this Demotivator...

The Pre-Hotwash Evaluation

2005-06-17T14:10:00.000+09:00

Slim's Basement Job
Current Day: 3
Days Left in Project: 0
Trips to Dumpster: 2
Percent Completed: 41%
Time Wasted: 20 hours, 35 minutes

It just didn't happen for me today. I woke up and knew, in the back of my mind, that I wasn't gonna do shit today, as far as that basement went. Instead, we went boat shopping.
Because the follow-on assignment is to Misawa AB, Japan, and there's some lakes and stuff there, we plan on taking some kind of water-craft. We're not looking to ski behind something, just something to take out on the water, maybe fish off of. I went to TMO outbound this morning and they said the max length of boat we can ship is 12 feet. Trailered boats are kinda out also, so we said "screw it."
We are buying a pedal boat. It holds four people, you don't have to register it, you can slap on a low HP outboard motor, you can pedal instead of row, you don't need paddles, you can fish off of it, it's way less than 12 feet in length, more stable than a canoe, you can throw the thing on top of a sedan, chicks dig it, ok maybe not that...

Please leave comments if you've had pedal boat despair. Am I just another guy with pedal boat pipe-dreams?

About Day 2

2005-06-16T14:54:00.000+09:00

Slim's Basement Job
Current Day: 2
Days Left in Project: 1
Trips to Dumpster: 2
Percent Completed: 41%
Time Wasted: 18 hours, 16 minutes

Well, I was making some good progress. Then, on my last trip to the dumpster, I realized how tall my grass got. I didn't want to get written up for the lawn, so I mowed it, then went inside to hang out with the wife for a bit. Got a phone call to report to work at 1545, in uniform, despite my leave status. Long story short, I decided to put the effort in this year, and it paid off. It's a definite milestone for me, and it comes at a great time. I should have that stripe sewn on maybe in November by my calculations. We'll see. I'm psyched.

The Big TL is back in Philly visiting his Mum. I left a message on his machine here, and he called me all the way from Philly to give Congrats. I missed his call (we ate at Melaque). It really meant alot, that message of his.

Project Update

2005-06-15T10:17:00.000+09:00

Slim's Basement Job
Current Day: 1
Days Left in Project: 2
Trips to Dumpster: 0
Percent Completed: 1%
Time Wasted: 11 hours, 47 minutes

I had some other stuff that came up. Had to take Kid-1 to the library; can't stifle education, you know.
Then I had to pick-up a prescription refill; gotta have drugs, you know.
Then I decided to change this blog's appearance; gotta keep it fresh, you know.

I decided to give myself 1% on completion because I made that sweet-ass project log!!
I've pretty much given up on today. Day 1 will be re-evaluated in the Hotwash.

If only Dom were here to help

On Leave

2005-06-15T01:14:00.000+09:00

I'm on leave till Friday. The plan is to clean my basement. We'll see...
So far, I've acquired a new image hosting website and checked some email. Basement's untouched.
This picture always makes me laugh.

Here's a tip from the TV Show "Cleen Sweep" on TLC: Keeping one pair of "Skinny" pants is a great way to get inspired to lose weight. Keeping more then that is just cluttering up your closet, you fat ass. Adding the "fat ass" part was my idea. Genius, I know.

Ok, I've gotta start on that basement.

To track my progress, I'll keep a log for everyone to see.

Slim's Basement Job
Current Day: 1
Days Left in Project: 2
Trips to Dumpster: 0
Percent Completed: 0%
Time Wasted: 2 hours, 44 minutes

2005-06-08T13:21:00.000+09:00

I'll be in the field until Friday night, no posts until Saturday. Until then, enjoy another Demotivator on adversity.

Predictions

2005-06-06T23:40:00.000+09:00

(Thursday, May 26, 2005 Hopefully no one gets stupid (like a DUI) to cut this weekend short.) Unfortunately, my prediction came true. Fortunately, no one got injured and we didn't get recalled early to be lectured on mixing one part vehicle with two parts alcohol and three parts idiocy.

This first paragraph was written and saved as a draft on Friday morning. It is now Monday morning and guess what? Another DUI in the squadron, and this time, we got the recall Sunday morning. Apparently, this idiot had a designated driver drop him off at home after drinking. He then got hungry and drove to Hardees, three blocks away. The drive-thru kid smelled the booze and narc'ed on him. Idiot. I'm sure the whole story involved him pissing off everyone in Hardees and then they decided to call the cops on his drunk ass

So, I gotta get to work now. Hopefully this will be enough to appease Miss Lilly.

Townsend Phase II Area

2005-06-03T23:23:00.000+09:00

The Phase II area. It's been raining for a long time, and will not let up anytime soon. It's gonna be MUDDY!!!!

Relish, not Sauerkraut

2005-05-31T01:00:00.000+09:00

It's almost gone. I've looked forward to this weekend, mainly just to sit on my ass and do whatever the hell I felt like, or nothing at all if it hit me. It was great. We went out shopping on Saturday and I bought an electronic dart board. We have enjoyed it the last few nights after dinner, throwing sharp objects. It's good to have the TV off for awhile, and spend time together.
You know what's great about summertime weekends? Hot Links fresh off the grill for breakfast and no socks or shoes all day. Sandals are ok. La Vita E Bella!
I've enjoyed every second of this weekend, and hopefully the rest of this day will be as good as the others.
Happy Memorial Day

2005-05-30T03:48:00.000+09:00

You Can All Eat Me!!!

I Got an Andy Capp Hot Fry in my Keyboard

2005-05-30T01:30:00.000+09:00

Stupid Andy Capp and his tasty-ass hot fries. It's a laptop, there's no bouncing back from this one. It's gonna take therapy. The stupid piece of baked corn and potato greatness is right there. I can see it, I just can't... quite... reach it... Need coffee.--- Ok, got coffee. So this fry isn't impeding anything. Not screwing up any words or letters, but it's just sitting there, all orange and stuff. It irks me. I'm off Andy Capp for awhile. I'll have no more of this. By the way, the suggested spelling of "Capp" is cape, on spell check. See for yourself. It's good cape weather.

There's nothing lonelier than an ignored Slip and Slide. It's just squirting away here next to me, waiting for any kid to walk on up and take a chance. Don't know if anyone's taken a look at one since 4th grade, but it's got warnings now. All over it. No one over 5 feet tall or 110 pounds. More coffee.---Got it. Man, I'm a chuggin' the old Java today. And I'll keep on a-chuggin it, Mack!! That's right, I said Mack. No one says mack anymore, so I've decided to bring it back. I'm bringin' back the mack, mack. Matay and I have discussed this. We agreed I was an idiot.

Speaking of Matay, he and I are going to Korea to golf. When's the last time you and your friend went to golf in Korea, hmm? In January, we drove to Red Deer, Alberta, Canada to eat Greek food, twice. There's a lot more to both of those stories, but we wouldn't sound as cool and care-free. More coffee.---That's the last of it. Next beverage is gonna be lemonade.

Have you ever gotten dressed in front of a dog and wondered what the dog was thinking? Slammed it! The coffee portion of today is officially over. Shot-gunning coffee makes me feel less asleep. I like to come out to my backyard when my Chihuahua's are there. I always say, "Where's my dog's at". It makes me feel all Gangstah and shit. They just look at me. You can waste a lot of humor on a dog. Someday they'll laugh.

I think I'll get on with something else for awhile. The coffee's got me zooted. I think I'll just stop typing mid-sentence for a creative way to

Where's My Dawgs At?

2005-05-30T01:29:00.000+09:00

Where's my Dawg's at?

Sweet Horrible News

2005-05-29T00:56:00.000+09:00

The dishwasher is on the way out. It's the crappiest dishwasher I've ever had. You can usually expect to re-wash half the stuff that you put in there. Well, yesterday, somewhere in the cycle, something fell through the racks and landed on the heating element. It not only melted, it got hot enough to melt the bottom pan of the dishwasher. So now there's a gaping hole in the thing and if we use it again, water will get into the electrical crap under it.

Why is this sweet? It's now broken just enough to be replaced, rather than repaired. It'll cost us nothing, because it was a legitimate accident, and is covered by housing maintenance.

Why is this horrible? It happened on Friday morning, and no one can come out until Tuesday. Of course, it is Memorial Day Weekend, so we can barbecue and eat on paper plates all weekend and not feel to lazy.