Returning Sprinklers

Ok, so I hate returning stuff. I absolutely hate it. I get all paranoid and I always feel like they think I'm trying to rip them off. My voice gets shaky and it usually goes down something like this:

Me: Yeah, I'd like to return this?

Clerk: Okay, let me see your receipt.

Me: Right here, in triplicate.

Clerk: Just the original is fine, sir.

Me: Ok, yeah, so... Yeah.

Clerk: So it fell apart?

Me: Yeah, the piece of junk. In the dishwasher. It doesn't say "dishwasher safe" but it doesn't say "dishwasher unsafe" so I thought it'd be okay. Here's the package.

Clerk: Here's your money and then just sign here.

Me: I swear, I opened the dishwasher and it wa... ok. Thank you.

So, I expected to have another rough one with the sprinkler at Home Depot. Maybe they would think I broke it somehow, or I used it wrong and that's why it didn't work, or they would send me home to try it again and "just think about what I'd done."

So here's how it went down:

Clerk: (in the middle of conversation with other employee, grabs the sprinkler in package with receipt stapled to it, starts punching numbers.)

Me: (silent)

Clerk: Do you have a penny?

Me: no, sorry, I...

Clerk: here's your money and just sign here.

Me: thankyou.

Best return ever.