Slim's Hate for Fat Carts, or, How to Trace American History through Television

As promised in the July 21st post, here’s my hate for fat carts. The service one is still in the works.

The Fat Cart:
I hate the fact that fat people use a device I’m sure was meant for the old and the honestly handicapped. Here’s where I lose some fans;
I have no sympathy for fat people because they are all lazy. There, I said it. If you are fat and don’t want to be fat, lose the weight. Change your lifestyle. With the right kind of motivation, you change; with laziness, no change. If I can quit smoking, people can lose weight. If you don’t try, don’t bitch about paying for two tickets on an airplane. If you do try, but nothing changes, try harder. No sympathy.

History note:
So I left America in the summer of 1993, off to start my career and earn my name in Japan. It was a simpler time, ’93; Starbucks hadn’t polluted every street corner, Seinfeld was just getting started, we’d seen the last of Wayne’s World, and if you were fat, you had to walk like other people.

I passed through America twice in ’96, but never left the airport; the only carts I saw had chauffeurs and, oddly enough, carried the old and handicapped.

I came back to America for a month-long fire school, circa ’98. I didn’t see any fat carts then either, but my shopping adventures pretty much took place in pool halls and happy-hours, so that's understandable. Fast Forward to summer 2001.

USA: Welcome back to America, Tokyo Slim!

Me: I like what you’ve done with the place! Holy crap, when I left, you had only served 60 billion on the McDonald’s sign!

USA: Yes, we’re glad you noticed. We stopped counting and now it’s just “Billions” served. America’s been busy getting fat since you left.

Me: I see that. Oh, wow, there’s a little electric scooter for the old and handicapped at the stores! Well isn’t that considerate! I remember that episode of Seinfeld when George was faking he was handicapped to get a job, and they gave him a scooter to ride. That was so funny, because he was using it and wasn’t handicapped, just lazy!

USA: Um… yes, that… was funny… anyway, welcome back.

So how does a long lost American track down the moment when fat people took over the scooter in America? Television, my friend, and here’s how:

With the help of the internet, I can track certain episodes of “The Simpsons” and "Seinfeld" which took notice of certain changes in society and made fun of them. Apply a formula and done.

The Simpsons, Episode 3F05, King Size Homer, aired 5 November, 1995. A strong desire to work at home prompts Homer to gain a lot of weight so he can claim work disability. See, this is when Americans started to use excuses to be fat, rather than actually work at losing the weight.

Seinfeld, “The Butter Shave” Episode no. 157
Season 9, episode 1, broadcast 25 September, 1997. George gets the scooter. This is where the non-handicapped people started going after the perks of the handicapped, but without the pain, loss of mobility, and general shittiness of being handicapped. Seinfeld sees this in society, and boom, you got your show. A moment captured in time.
(http://www.stanthecaddy.com/the-butter-shave-script.html )

I split the difference between the air dates of the Simpsons and Seinfeld, then compared it to the difference between the air date of Seinfeld and date I returned to Fat Land, multiplied by the constant, FL, (fatty laziness), and I get December 1999.
Here’s my formula:




















Were you in America in December of 1999? Is this when it started going down?
I need some comments here people. Must we watch TV to find out if history repeats itself?